words for wednesday {page 5, love}

Check out this gorgeous store, all made in Melbourne. I am in love!

“If you cannot do great things, do small things in a great way.”

Napoleon Hill

I want to do great things. It plagues me almost every day, this desire to be doing something far more interesting and world-changing than this. 

The mainly homebound life is the most humbling experience I have ever been through. Staying in this little house achieving nearly nothing is as far from my life plans as you could get. Some days as I sit saving energy, I just feel wasted. Is it vain to think I am being wasted?

I wonder what on earth is being accomplished by this. And I wonder if I could start a business, or study at home, or do something, anything, which even nearly resembles great. This is partially because I feel mentally unstimulated, but also because it would make my life closer to normal, and more ‘respect worthy’.

I think these things even though I know in my head that where-ever I am placed, I can make a difference. Because my worth is so tied up in what I achieve and accomplish, you can imagine how I have to battle to believe that I am still living a worthwhile life. But while these thoughts flicker through my head, I know one thing: I can still love where I am, and that is the greatest thing.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”

1 Corinthians 16;14

“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”

Khalil Gibran

words for wednesday {page 4, cartoon}

 “Those who stop concentrating on how unhappy they are find that their happiness is growing. So you must lose yourself to find yourself.”

Tim Keller

"It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience."

Julius Caesar

Before we moved three weeks ago, I ‘prepared’ myself. I knew I’d feel horrible and unwell, and I knew there wouldn’t be a one week cure. I decided not to be concerned about my bad health until at least four months had gone by, as that is about how long I took to improve after our last move.

Lying on the couch this week, with ineffective pain killers in my system I heard myself say/sob to Ben, “I just think maybe I’m not going to get back to where I was. I think its permanent damage and maybe I will never get better again.”  He gently reminded me that it had only been three weeks and was very likely the move still. I despaired in three weeks.

Anyway, this quote is beautiful and timely for me.

"Hope is patience with the lamp lit."

Tertullian

 My fabulous husband found this cartoon for me. Isn't it perfect? I have had lots of these days lately!

words for wednesday {page 3, crochet & bunting}

“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”

Robert Louis Stevenson 

“Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.”

Jean Jacques Rousseau

I am definitely in chains. I think we all get entangled by nasty things.

In one good book I have been reading called ’From Fatigued to Fantastic’ {who wouldn’t want to read that?!} the recovered doctor says,’ Stop shoulding on yourself.’

I just loved this phrase, because I ‘should’ all the time and it’s one of my chains. I tie myself up with living up to perceived expectations. ‘Should’ implies a moral obligation, and there rarely is one. Usually I end up crawling back into bed, sad and exhausted after everything I've made myself do.

Dr. Teitelbaum went on to say that when you have little bits of energy or time, you’re wise to do things that you enjoy.  Last year, I started doing something I enjoyed and felt good about every single day, and it was quite crazy to see how it fostered my improvement. I actually felt enthusiasm for life again!

Honestly, try it. Just do one thing a day (or every two) which you really enjoy. Something that there is no 'ought, must, should' attached to. I think it is excellent for health purposes. 

Here are some of my little happy projects at the moment:

I usually hobble round in the winter months dressed like an Eskimo. I also have a pixie cut which makes for scary morning hair, and post afternoon-nap hair. I decided I needed something cosy to chuck over it if I need to pop out or answer the door without having time/energy to tame the crop. This pattern which I found here is super easy, perfect for beginners. Ps. Did I mention that yellow is my new favourite colour?!

I’ve wanted to make some bunting for our lounge for quite some time. This is the fabric I have chosen, and I am in love with the ‘woodland walk’ one.

looks are deceptive

May 12th is international CFS/ME awareness day. 
I think it's great it has a 'day' because it's invisible to the eye and most of the time we're too tired to explain it all. Having it understood means the world to us.
Click for visual explanation 

Hoping that the stigma and loneliness of CFS ends, and this disease comes into light, to receive the concern from friends and the medical research it needs. With lots of love to all my brave friends and all the ones who understand xx

 

Looks are deceptive.

There are bad books with great covers.

There are rotten bananas with yellow skins.

There are ill people who appear well.

Although we'd rather not admit it,

most of us are deceived by how things look.

 Simplistic.

 

What we can't see, we struggle to believe. 

We could leave the house in pajamas, not do our hair, groan continually, and limp.

If you really need the visual cues, to believe.

But we won't stoop to gain your belief,

 on principle.

So there we have it:

our illness is invisble to your eye, and so it is dismissed.

I think if we had something you could actually see, you might research it, ask what's helpful, trust us, empathise. 

Even our blood tests come back clear. 

And so some doctors say we must be fine. 

But if it were you, and your body had stopped functioning,

you had to quit you occupation,

and there was no cure at all...

you would want people to take you seriously. At the very least.

words for wednesday {page 2, moving hangover}

 

“We must learn to regard people less in light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

These words are sage and fabulous. They apply to so many things, but in my situation I can feel judged as lazy when people don’t have a proper grasp of what my sickness is like. I also regard people in light of what they do or don’t do, too much. I judge myself similarly, and consequently feel like I am a failure. 

“This too shall pass.”

This is the quote that I murmur when I am absolutely sure that this shall certainly not pass, ever, ever, ever. Right now as I am profoundly hung-over from moving towns {again}, and pessimistic thoughts hang around me, I have one rational thought: that this post-exertion misery won’t last forever. 

“It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.”

Leo Tolstoy

A food for thought quote by the incredible Tolstoy.

His Anna Karenina character is so beautiful and messed up like so many of the people we adore today. I’d like to see the film, but I don’t suppose it could compare to the novel.

That is all for today, as I dare not write too much lest I undo some of the good that rest has brought about. On my bedside table is the Bonhoeffer biography, on my TV an Australian Ballet DVD {La Fille Mal Gardee}, in my fridge there are meals from lovely people, and in a cosy bedroom is our soft bed. So there really couldn’t be a better place in the world to hibernate and wait for better days.