grief

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i lie on the couch for the hundredth day

the flat is so silent, so still, so alone.

my heart feels this grief it cannot say...

i wish for a voice and i wait by my phone.

how many years will this illness linger on?

i hoped it’d be two, but it’s already three,

i wonder if sobbing would make it be gone.

i want to feel well, live a life pain free.

i long to study, to walk out that door...

and not return home till 6 pm.

 then flop on the couch, and not be sore,

and spend the evening with energy spare.

i have a good week, and i dare to hope,

then a rough patch which knocks back me down.

sometimes i feel i cannot cope -

in this storm, in this black, i might drown.

i used to be strong – to study, to work

but now i can barely remember those days...

my whole world has changed, greyness lurks,

and i feel this sorrow as my body decays.

why was it me? and will i get better?

and how do i keep plodding along?

i wish You would tell me, write me a letter.

i struggle to smile, to laugh, sing a song.

but there is a glimmer amid the pain...

that helps me strive to dance in this rain.

this life is a moment compared to the next.

This is my sickness song. It's worth the listen.

praise you in this storm 

by Casting Crowns