jinxing myself

"There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

C.S. Lewis

I am a little bit superstitious about one thing, which is a little bit silly because I don’t actually think the world works like that.

I think that I’ll jinx myself if I tell people I am feeling well.

For about 5 years now this has been the case. I share my overflowing excitement about feeling like a normal human being, and then the next day boooom. Back to bed. This is the first year that I’ve starting to think a little more rationally about the fact that I probably never did jinx myself. I think relapses have a lot more to do with the fact that my body wasn’t well enough to sustain health longer than a day or two, than that my words doomed me.

So, I kind of want to write a blog and tell you how delicious some of the days this last month have been and how I hope this is going to go on and on, but you know now why I don’t really want to. The other reason is that various people in my acquaintance have no concept of ‘chronic’ or ‘fluctuations’ and think that more well for a month means all better forever more. Dream boats. I have to be selective. Some people I tell, the ones who know it could/will be fleeting. Other people I give my favourite phrase of all time, not bad. Which is really: not telling.

But because I don’t think I can jinx myself, I’ll write that I have been on some successful shopping trips, stayed up late without severe consequence, seen some people without headaches, and generally felt a wellness ever since the start of my fructose free diet. Not all the time, but a lot more of the time. Ben has had the week off work, and for the first time in our marriage, we have been able to do the fun holiday things that we always wanted to.

The warmer days and sunshine seems to be playing a major part in all of this, for some reason every year around this time I just start to pick up. Unfortunately, each January I have either moved house {such a bad idea} or started university {equally bad}, and gone plummeting back. What I wonder is this:

If there is no major life event this year, could the good days continue?

I continue to think that relaxed and pleasant experiences foster good health, just as stress can make us unwell. I feel that the phrase ‘guilty pleasure’ is unhelpful. Do we have to ruin good pleasures with guilt?

My not-at-all-guilty pleasures are:

Showering with the window wide open so that I look onto the sun and grass outside.

Eating chocolate cake, which is free from all the things my body dislikes and still tastes flipping amazing.

Asparagus. My mum-in-law grows the best asparagus ever, and I am in love with it. Ben thinks I am a health freak and regularly calls me one, and I think I may now fit into that category. We are planting our own veggie garden in a week.

 Sunning. Sitting in the sun, with or without tea and book is just about as good as it gets. If you add in Wolfgang and Ben, it’s even better.