Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change...

On the desk of my doctor there is a poster blu-tacked up, facing the patients. It really hit me the first time that I read it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.  

 I was sitting there feeling far from serene; there was something wrong with me and it was interrupting life dramatically. I thought it was a nice idea to suggest serenity at the doctors, but really, I could go a bit of sympathy right now.  Don’t tell me to just get over it just like that! The line about “courage to change the things I can” was fine with me – obviously that was why I was at the doctors, to get better ASAP and do anything to bring about that end.  

I now realise that it never was suggesting me to ‘get over it’ or act as though being sick isn’t traumatic and upsetting. It was saying that while I am doing all that doctor’s suggest to improve and change my health, there is still the fact that right now I am sick – and that isn’t ultimately in my control. I am not conceding defeat, or bottling up the many sad emotions...I’m learning (incredibly slowly) to calmly trust that this is happening for a good reason - and with that belief comes peace. Peace that it doesn’t matter if I’m not ‘succeeding’, or studying at uni, or going out with friends, or doing much housework. It’s ok! Because I’d rather trust God and learn patience, serenity, compassion, understanding and numerous other lessons, than fight this whole experience and come out of it bitter and angry. I’m going to jump for joy (for hours and hours) when I am fully well, but until that day, I am striving to accept what has happened and make the most of it.