little big things

it’s the little things

Last week I said to someone that I was enjoying my time in this country town by the sea. She asked me why, because she knew the essentials of my life hadn’t changed at all. For me, my time consists of the daily simplicity of treadmilling & biking, practicing, some friendships, and pulling back from the many things which compromise my wellbeing. It’s not like I have a new job here, or my close network of friends and medics, or other ‘big exciting things’. I couldn’t really answer her why I was happy here. 

But a few days later I was trying to figure it out, and I realised that my life isn’t about big things anymore.

It’s about being able to have the sand under my toes seven days a week, if I like, and watching the pinkness of the sunset in awe. Its jogging for a minute longer than I managed last time, and celebrating the absence of headaches, and finding a beautiful quote or verse to scrawl on my chalkboard in the kitchen. Its Ben riding home from work just after 5 o’clock while the sun is still strong, and Wolfgang jumping on my knee for a snuggle. It’s wearing a summer dress, and playing a piece of music that breaks my heart a little bit, and having a real conversation with another human being. It’s being content with being exactly where I have been placed in life, and loving the minutes and opportunities and views and thoughts and people and creatures and experiences. 

Sometimes I’m on Facebook or talking to a friend – and I read and hear about people doing Honours, and expecting babies, and getting exciting jobs and scholarships. I don’t know if I’ll get to do those things. That’s when I start to struggle with discontentment, and suddenly I want that, badly. And suddenly I’m really so very sorry for myself and my lame little life. Because ‘comparison is the thief of joy,’ said the very wise Roosevelt. Even though it rocks my boat for a little while, I eventually come to a calmer place, of peace with my place in God’s perfect unfathomable plan. 

I think I used to live blind to many beautiful things, when I was well {which is technically more beautiful than being sick}. I channelled my attention and my thoughts to the ‘big things’, which of course I needed too, much of the time. But I didn’t even take ten minutes to look at the moon and love it, or stop to enjoy a moment by choosing to drop my busy agenda just for that minute. It was all about powering on, and you do miss so many things when you’re going that fast. These things are so healing, they are the things which stop us from stress combustion.

i’m starting to think that the small things are actually the big things

there's beauty in simplicity