Wednesday, February 5

something incredible happened today

It is both a blessing
And a curse
To feel everything
So very deeply ~ 

Lately my health has been  bipolaresque. I’ve never been through such a volatile and erratic stage in these five years - this is brand new territory, just to keep me distraught entertained and out-of-control. One day I have severe ME/CFS, and the next I am wondering what to do with my new found lack of malaise. My mental equilibrium is seriously disturbed, as all the flies on my wall will tell you. Can we just decide which I am, so I can get my head around it? All I want to know is whether I’m dying or thriving. I wake in the morning, with not the slightest clue what my day may hold.

Yesterday I was a wreck because I got my hair cut and coloured, and this vain procedure took 2.5 hours. It was insane. By the end, holding my head up without my hands was becoming quite an issue. Driving home was mission hazardous, as cars kept appearing out of thin air, terrifyingly close to my own, and my head was hazy with malaise.

Today, however, I bounced out of bed and off to the Animal Welfare Society. My job consists of climbing up and down ladders, cleaning cages, dealing with diarrhea and vomit - and sometimes kittens. I had no intention of working past my 1 hour 20 minutes. I have a feeling that getting to snuggle ten different fluffy kittens majorly boosted some energy-giving chemical in my body, because 1 hour 30 minutes arrived and I still wasn’t fatigued or sore. It was at 2 hours that I started to feel weary – but when I realised the time, I wanted to spin those cats around in joy.

Two hours – in light of this arduous journey, going out and working for two hours is one of the happiest things that has happened to me in months. I am writing here to restrain myself from running down the street yelling this victory to every human and animal on my path. I worked for two hours without pain!

Just maybe maybe maybe I won’t always be ill?  


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