Wednesday, May 21

say nice things

Some people say unhelpful things, lots of people say nothing at all, and a few say the perfect thing – something empathetic, real, comforting. Here’s a list of five comments which have warmed my heart, and would probably do the same for others.

1. “Wow. That sucks!! That must really suck for her. ”

At first Ben told his colleagues that his wife had ‘health problems.’  But as his relationships strengthened, he started letting off the ‘chronic fatigue syndrome’ bomb. The other night he told me that his friend reacted in this refreshingly warm manner.
Yes, it does suck! That simple heartfelt comment seems to sum up the frustration at having reached a nasty stand still at such a young age. This response is perfect, because I can join in and sit for a moment in the reality that this illness is not even close to fun. His work friend got that this was bad, real, and sad.

2. “Please feel free to call it off at late notice if you need to.”

My younger brother wrote this to me. It is possibly the most comforting statement I have ever heard. He said late notice. How nice can you get? Just to know that if my body chucks a hissy and I can’t fulfil our plans, he won’t be surprised or annoyed. The pressure if off, and I thrive on no pressure.

 3. “I have a cousin with that.”

Yippeeee! Not glad that your acquaintance is sick...but, if you have a relative or friend with this illness you probably have a faint idea of what I’m talking about. I love to know that this illness isn’t so unheard of or invisible.  

4. “When I had a cold/flu recently, I thought of you and can’t imagine how you live with that all the time.”

This makes me want to sob. You get it, you have tasted my never-ending sickness, and the fact that you realised what I am going through makes me feel so understood and loved. You know that ‘tired’ is the wrong word for it entirely and I want to hug you right now.

5. “I’m sorry you can’t come. That must be so frustrating for you.”

Usually when I cancel, I get the standard, “Alright, that’s ok.” But what I really long for is them to realise that it’s not just them who is put out. I am put out, probably even more than them, because I really wanted to come and I’m not well enough. And because I repeatedly can’t attend things, I am starting to get really over it.

I feel so privileged to have heard these things{and many more}, and to have such beautiful people in my life. When the pain can’t be taken away, love is a balm.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." 

"Rejoice with those who rejoice. Weep with those who weep." 
Romans 12;15


  1. This is perfect! Exactly what I need to read, after having to deal with horrible iron problems and now cfs as a Christian. I'm only 16, so i never hear any of these, but boy do I pray for these words! I pray that people would understand that being 'tired' is nothing compared to what we feel each every day! Thanks for your encouragement xx - Keely
    P.s a big thank you to Sandra who showed me your blog!

    1. Nice to meet you Keely, but so sad you're going through this too :( It does seem to take a loooong time for some to grasp such an invisible illness - I don't think I heard much of this when I was younger either, because it takes time for people to grow into empathy and understanding. Not that you'd wish it on them in a thousand years, but you do dream for it to be taken as seriously as it should be! One day, hopefully soon. Take care X Danielle