Tuesday, April 11

So long as you're healthy that's all that matters

My thoughts are scattered as I recover from what I hope will be the biggest event of my year. Joyous and big. The term 'recover' is a euphemism, for acutely, deeply suffer. It sounds so cosy and hopeful, and not at all as shocking as the reality, so I use it though my mind mocks it simultaneously. There is no sense of recovery yet, just physical devastation.

Today I had to shower after two days of being too unwell, and with a husband to wash my hair I managed it. Immediately afterwards I felt proud, cheerful, and fresh with my clean hair and deodorant. I lay back in bed glowing (well, actually limp and palid) with achievement and hope, but the exertion caught up with me in a few minutes. I am pummeled from my effort. It's a few hours later and I have been zoning in and out of lucidity, I blacked out as I got up to turn the blaring Beethoven off, and I'm squinting with light sensitivity.

I am jelly. I am weak. I am fragile.

The 'strength' I woke with evaporated in the shower. I am humbled to be so needy. It's easy for the next step to be: I am worthless. Because I can't look after my girl or move or do any of those mundane but value giving duties. And if I am worthless {which I am not, because my Creator God made me meticulously and lovingly} then are those who are the most able bodied the most important and valuable? And those who are disabled or ill or unborn the least?

People always say, "So long as your baby is healthy, that's all that matters." Do unhealthy babies and humans matter less?
Everyone matters.

I leave a thought provoking article which deserves reading to the end. If you are interested in mind-body philosophy, anxiety, pregnancy, or suffering in general it is an interesting read.

SuperBabies Don't Cry


  1. That article made me bawl. Definitely thought provoking. Thankyou for sharing x

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