Tuesday, May 9

energy free

I am an energy conservationist.

It's been my occupation since I was eighteen. I was pushed into it; it definitely wasn't the direction I wanted to go in because I am by nature a creative. I'm not going to lie, it's a high stress job with evening work, weekend work, and very few holidays. I'm responsible for rating the energy required for each day, each component of the day starting with showering (if there is enough for that), and ensuring that there is some surplus at the end. It's a very precious and rare resource, and sadly endangered. When we get into major debt, it can take a long time to procure more because it isn't manufactured by man.
Living without it is in those times is catastrophic for those involved to say the least, so my role is to scrupulously ensure that all is being done to conserve it, whilst also not putting an entire ban on the use of it because it is a resource that is required for human flourishing. It's an excruciating responsibility to get the balance right, and I err from time to time. 

Right now is a difficult time in this industry. I perceived that a wedding at the start of April was going to take all the stored resources from a bounteous summer and put us into major energy deficit. I tried to minimize the usage, but my worst fears were more than realised. The deficit was large, gaping to be honest. The worst in years.
As already stated, there is almost nothing that can be done to procure more so once you get to this point it's a waiting game, and patience when there is no given end point is the hardest kind of all. I thought there would be a recovery of energy, ready for distribution to the affected parties 14 days later for a flight to Queensland, but no. Even away in the warm Sunshine Coast, renowned for it's energy production, I was unable to lay my hands on any. The suffering from it's lack was dizzying.

Coming back to Victoria was hard because the mission to Queensland had been unsuccessful, in that way at least. Despair is creeping in now, because it's been a month without this resource, and that's a long time. We're also heading into Winter which requires a vast amount. It's hard not to look back and go, "What could I have done differently? Is this my fault? How on earth do I procure more?" That's the stress, when I've done my best to conserve, it's totally out of my control, and I simply cannot manufacture more.

Now my role is about encouraging those without energy to live simply and wait expectantly in good spirits until it arrives. They tend to believe there will never be any more when it gets to this point so I have to try and bolster their dormant sense of optimism. Remind them of the deficits of the past and how it did come, in the end. That they will be able to walk and dance and drive and knit again. These days are hard from dawn til dusk, there's not enough for the most basic human needs, but I've been in this job for eight years now and I know it will come.

When it does, I'll be back to rating each event of the day and year and trying to eke it out with wisdom. My role cycles on and on, like the moon and the tide.

I wish there was energy as plentiful as the deep waters of the sea.

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