Sunday, October 2


This song completely sums up the grief of being sick, and being many times I've listened to it crying out my pain. Have a listen:  
I grew up as a healthy girl, and I didn’t intimately know anyone with a chronic illness. So, I’d never really thought about what is and isn’t helpful to say to sick people...I knew that people with broken arms get tired of explaining how it happened, and that it’s sweet to send ‘ get well’ cards to others – but what about someone who doesn’t have a story, and who won’t get well in a week or two? That takes a bit of thought. As I quickly realised from being the unwell person, it’s awfully easy to say things to sick people which aren’t really appropriate or loving.
Dee’s what-not-to-say guide: 
“Are you better yet?”
No. Stress-less. I promise I’ll let you know. I’ll host a party, update my facebook status in CAPITAL LETTERS, and return to full time study when I’m better. ‘Chronic’ means long-term– that means years or even decades. And it’s somewhat awkward replying ‘No, I’m not better yet’ – what a conversation and mood killer!
“You’re looking well.”
 Ha! Good I look it, because I sure don’t feel it- that’s my not very gracious internal reaction. It carries this sting: because you look good, I doubt how sick you say you are. “You’re looking pretty” would be so much better; even a sick person can look attractive.
“What did you do today?”
 Um, well....lay on the couch, then, nearly collapsed having my shower, then, lay on the couch and listened to music, then pined after my husband who’s at work. Yes, it’s probably not the best question, because it makes the sick person feel fairly boring and pathetic and lame. Replacement suggestion: what was best/worst moment in your week? Did you get any ‘well’ hours?
“You should do this/’s not too tiring.”
 Sadly, things which don’t tire you out can be demolishing for a cfs/pots sufferer. Thankfully, I am making slow progress, but there was a time where walking to the letterbox was tough. Therefore, coming out for coffee or going to that concert is just unthinkable. Now days, I can do lovely things – go out for coffee e.t.c...But I will suffer for it afterwards and possibly during. So I might have to decline purely because of that.
I even have friends who have been told, “You should look for a job!” If only!
Complicated, you say....yes, it’s complicated because being unwell is not easy - and the way to love a suffering person is to first get inside their shoes, and then spur them on.
There are some absolutely precious people in my life who have understood in a way which shows incredible empathy and sensitivity. I treasure them because they are so rare. What a blessing!


  1. Hi Danielle! You don't know me but I have been getting to know your lovely Mother-in-law through AFES world. I was sharing with her some of my battle with CFS and Fibromyalgia and she spoke of you and your own struggles with such love and support that I was in awe! I was so grateful when she shared an entry from your blog to encourage me and I am excited to have found you here in cyberspace. I hope you don't mind me browsing because I have been so helped already, and I have only read a couple of entries so far. It is just so refreshing to read thoughts like my own from someone else who "gets it". God bless you as you keep clinging to Him in your journey of life including living with CFS . Your sister in Christ, Ali Stone

    1. Dear Ali, I am so glad to meet you here, another fellow sickie! I am also glad that you were able to talk with someone kind like my MIL who knows a little of this generally unknown journey we are on. It's such a relief when your existance isn't given the confused/unempathetic look, and there is some understanding. You are more than welcome to peruse my blog { sometimes despairing and sometimes hopeful ramblings} :-) I'm so sorry you have both cfs and fibro, and hope you are given the courage and strength for each day. Love Danielle x

    2. Thanks so much, Danielle! I can assure you that even your despairing thoughts are encouraging because they are real and show the genuine struggle that is battling chronic illness each day. I look forward to hanging out with you here and will pray for you as the Lord brings you to mind , A x