Tuesday, January 8


Dear Chronic Fatigue Syndrome,

If you were going to come back for a visit, I would expect it to be now. I've just moved house, and city. I've been sleeping badly and working hard and using cleaning chemicals. Just pop in and give me some red swollen eczema, throbbing migraines, crippling stomach pains, paralyzing muscles weakness, black dizziness....why not? I mean, now would be such a logical time for you to come over and remind me of your existence - if you even do exist anymore. Do you? Do you?

With confusion and surprise,

I just moved house on the weekend to a peaceful place named Portland (more about that soon). But I don't have pain in my body from that stressor. I just feel tired, really really tired.

Moving house is said to be one of the more stressful events in life. They put it along side getting married, getting divorced, starting a job, losing a job, having a baby, losing a family member...the books say that if you have a few too many of these stressful events in your life, the chances of you getting a stress related illness are a lot higher. Our bodies hate this kind of thing en masse. They put up their hands and surrender. 

Four years have passed since I went over the edge. There were plenty of triggers to give me that final push.

During those years of illness, I married Ben (two years ago today), moved city, moved house every summer, and started and ended university due to chronic illness.

That's a lot of stressful life events - and the crazily beautiful thing is that I have come through them all, in better health than I began, both mentally and physically! This life journey is rather fascinating, the way it takes twists and turns of the most surprising nature. Sometimes they are so tough, and sometimes they are delightful - but all of them make the journey.

the beach five minutes from my house

Anyway, whether CFS is coming to stay or not, I am embarking on four months of rejuvenation. The very first thing I did in Portland was go to the gym and get a membership. I was in the car thinking it a little sad that the first thing I had to do was get to the gym to deal with my POTS, but then on reflection I realized how privileged I was to be able to do something to sustain my health.

So it will be exercise, flute practice, sewing, hanging out with my man on the weekends, and letting this stress-prone body soak up peace, and quiet. If all stays well on the health front for many more months, maybe I'll decide to take something on, something other than healing?

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